Steve And Matt Are Jerks: Archive

8 tags

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You need a description? Really?

Nov 19th

Obvious and unfortunate hiatus.

Stay tuned for updates…we hope.

May 12th

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Steve is going to rig the Special Olympics so that the winner goes to Neverland Ranch.

Mar 18th

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The original ending was Matt saying “If you prick us, do we not bleed (money)? If you tickle us (with money), do we not laugh? If you poison us (by denying us of money), do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?” and then throwing a penny so fast it goes through Steve’s brain, and then going over and picking it back up. SteveAndMattAreJerks.com

Feb 18th

Sunroom!

For all those interested in the awesomeness that is Ryan (our theme song extraordinaire) and his band Sunroom, check out their website at sunroommusic.net or check out their new home on iTunes (feel free to click below - but be gentle…on second thought, click like a mad man! They’re awesome!!)

Jan 14th

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Featuring an A+ theme song from Ryan of Sunroom!

Jan 14th

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If envy is green, apparently revenge is brown.

Dec 26th

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Matt eats his cereal as if it is the last cereal in the world.

Nov 30th

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The second time you watch this, write your own nouns and verbs to make an adult version of Mad Libs.

Nov 19th

Nov 10th

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This is inspired by what flashes through Steve and Matt’s minds every single time they go to a restaurant.

Nov 5th

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Honestly, what better place to wage a war?

Oct 6th

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Sep 24th

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Sep 5th

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Aug 25th

Mea culpa, bitches.

Yes. I know. I know. We totally fucked you for the month of August, and your asses are bleeding from it. We’ve been on hiatus for legitimate reasons (hey, did someone just cough the word bullshit? I will punch you so hard it’ll give you cancer. Fist cancer.) But we know you’re malnourished from lack of Steve and Matt and Jerkiness. But we have a lot of great videos to...

Aug 20th

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Jul 30th

Jul 28th

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Jul 14th

“There’ll be an extra-long new video up very soon.”

– Steve and Matt, right before they kissed in front of a millionaire in exchange for a meal at Denny’s.

Jul 13th

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Lezzin’ Out on the Internet

Jun 29th

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Big props to our accidental muse, Jesus Sepulveda, for reminding us all how much we miss Huey, Duey and Louie (he has an adolescent duck fetish — don’t ask). -S&M

Jun 19th

Flawless Rebuttal

Moffdiver (Steve): so how do i have sex with [girl's name]? help me figure that one out
me (Matt): ask her out on a date
Moffdiver: that is retarded and obviously will never work.
 -Matt

Jun 12th

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I’ve Got My Mind Set On You

Jun 11th

SteveAndMattAreRealPeople.com

As my therapist always says, when you feel comfortable with someone, open up. Granted, she retracted this advice when I took the concept too literally and pulled a PeeWee Herman at a daycare center. I think it wasn’t as bad as she made it out to be. I mean, what’s wrong with treating a water fountain as a bide? The kids laughed anyway. After I told them to. Anywho, some people...

Jun 6th

Behold the genius of a S&MAJ brainstorming...

Matt: need to think of specific things for it though
 Sent at 10: 22 AM on Friday
 Steve: one of them should be the guy getting butt-raped

Jun 6th

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Dial Ice Cream For Murder

Jun 3rd

May 30th

Peace in the Valley

Mornin’ folks, Matt here. As you all may have noticed, Steve finally blogged on the site, and congrats to him. I’m sure it’s hard to type one’s thoughts out, especially when you’re trying to fit it in between furious, consecutive masturbating sessions. And for some reason, he chose to pick on me for his maiden voyage, and that’s fine. Harsh, but fine. But I...

May 30th

Ode to Matt

Dear Matt, You are such a jerk. How are you such a jerk, you ask? Let me count the ways: —Matt goes to strip clubs and tries to “save” strippers from their “depraved existence.” He only does this after he’s gotten several lap dances from the same girl, during which he cries the whole time. He also encroaches on the “no touch” rule. —Have you...

May 29th

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So apparently our fame precedes us. This video was given to me two days ago, basically as a response to Solomon’s Wisdom. These guys want to be simply known as SteveAndMattAreJerksUndercutters.com. Works for me since, say, if they got more popular than us, at least my name is still in the title. I mean, they do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. That and a really good...

May 24th

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SCRU-BLU.

May 22nd

4 tags

Welcome A.K.A. Slap and Tickle

Hey folks, Matt here. I’m one of the jerks running this shitfest known as SteveAndMattAreJerks.com. Let me start off by saying Steve and I aren’t always jerks, but, well, we are more often than not. Let’s just say most of our conversations should not be unveiled to the public eye. And yet they will. Constantly. Until someone forces us to stop. My guess is one of the...

May 22nd

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Solomon’s Wisdom

May 13th